Tag: dad

Terrorist holding dad at gunpoint-

Terrorist: “Say your last words!” Dad: “Your last words!” Terrorist: “What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!” Dad: “Okay, I’ll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?” Terrorist: “Stop. Why isn’t this scaring your?” Dad: “Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway.” Terrorist: “What’s a ‘henway'”? Dad: “About a pound

(My Dad told me this one) So two eight-year-olds wake up one morning, deciding they’re old enough to cuss…

So their mama calls them down for breakfast, and asks, “Little Johnny, what do you want for breakfast?” And Little Johnny says: “Alright, bitch, I’m thinking I want a motherfucking biscuit!” And mama *backhands* Little Johnny hard as she could, knocking him to the floor. She kneels down and looks at Little Jimmy, asking: “And

Dad peels banana…

When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana… Dad: peels the first strip of the banana peel… “One skin” Peels the second strip… “Two skin” “Three skin” “Five skin” Me: “What happened to the Four skin” Dad: “Jewish banana” I was twelve and I finally figured