An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin.
When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together.

So I drink one for each o’me brothers and one for me self.”
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints.

All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.” The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs.

“Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains, “It’s just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.
But it hasn’t affected me brothers though.”

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  1. An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down, and one lands in each of the pints.
    The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

    The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs and takes a long swallow.

    The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, “Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!”

  2. A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an Irishman all go into the jungle. They lose their way and are captured by savages. The savages tell them that they are not supposed to be here and will kill them all and use their skins for Canoes. The savages let them choose how they will be killed and the Frenchmen says “done moi la poison” (give me poison), drinks frog venom and dies. The Englishman takes out his revolver yells out “Long live the queen!” and shoots himself in the head. The Irishman takes a fork out of his pocket, starts stabbing himself over and over again, and screams “Make a canoe outta this, ya wee bastards”

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